Apologies this blog is a bit of a rant.
I’ve had a horrible week.
Firstly work isn’t good at the moment. I think it is down to the pending redundancies and people already fighting for their jobs (before any redundancies are announced). I also work with someone who when she is that way inclined an absolute b***h and has been this week. I try to not let it bother me and in a way it doesn’t but it makes a bad atmosphere. Until I know for sure if I’m going to lose my job I’m not worried. I do my job as well as I can and work hard, so if I go I know that I couldn’t have done anything more.
That said, I had an awful afternoon on Wednesday, I had made the big work mistake, and for the few minutes while I was sat with my head in my hand thinking what the hell to do my phone went and it was my mums doctors.
To give a bit of back ground I have been worried about mum for a while as she gets a bit confused and struggles with her words but it has got worse and one of her friends rang me before Christmas to say she was worried too (she is 80). I spoke to mums doctors (felt bad as I had gone behind her back) and he organised for a nurse to visit her and do an assessment. The call was from the nurse, explaining that there is some damage to the brain and mum needs to go for a CT scan so we know what we are dealing with. He was very nice and answered my questions but I am so worried. She seems happy and that is all I want but hope that as/if the dementia worsens she doesn’t get distressed and upset. I am sad as it doesn’t seem like my mum when I talk to her and I miss that, we lost my dad over 10 years ago and I’m an only child and feel so alone. I know I’m not as I have my OH and friends but it my mum.
All this does put work into perspective and even though I’m probably not in the right place “mentally” I have a lot of ideas of how I want to make changes in my life.
Thank you for letting me moan.