A few days ago I read on a forum about a lady who wrote about her mother who was in her 80’s and was staying with her daughter and family while work was being carried out on her home. This lady commented on the fact the mother has only used the washing machine once, didn’t wash up and basically didn’t do anything to help around the house.
I didn’t comment on her post but it has been playing on my mind.
I am in a similar position as my mum is staying while her flat is refurbished. I say similar as I don’t have children and I can understand that there will probably be conflict between the generations. Also the lady is comment that her mother had no health problems. My mother has the early stages of dementia.
My parents have looked out for me all my life, encouraged me to be independent while always been there for me, never judge when I made a mistake (and believe me there have be many), loved and supported me.
Since my father died my mum has moved into warden accommodation in a new town so when the time came, which is now, she had some support round her to help so it wasn’t all on my shoulders.
Now it’s my turn to look after my mum. So if I have to wash each day due to “accidents”, help her bathe and cook her dinner, it is only a fraction of what she has done for me over the years.
I know each family is different and maybe if my mother was in good health we may be having a “battle of wills” with some things and I’m sure the op had reached point and needed to talk, but having my mother stay has made me do a lot of thinking. I have to be the responsible one, I have to make the decisions as to what is best for mum, something I’m finding hard as we have always discussed issues and made a desidioin together. My role as a daughter is changing but it is a role I will, not out of a sense of duty, but gladly take on because she my Mum and I love her .